how hard could it be to say sorry
my eyes are the windows
into this haunted house of mine
it's more or less a mirror
of the wreckage, I find outside
my heart is buried underneath
the trauma of my life
the scarcity of belief
and the abundance of hope inside
I take all I can get
whatever it may hold for you
I turn it to ash, a pretty grey
and then frame that hue
instances regrets that I hold
so deadly to my chest
breaths, voices, and steps I take
all buried inside like a pest
my gut is rotting away
my brain only aiding the process
cheering on, "you're so bad at this!"
hoping this way, it'll hurt less
positivity I see
I breathe it in
then multiply by 10
the negative in this world
is for me to keep safe
for myself alone
screaming, shouting, sideways glances
all these actions
brewing in my mind
like fine wine, their tartness
only refines, as they grow old
past instances become precedent
lay the framework for the future
but what good am i
if I decide to be as brutal
as the world that knocked me down
as the experiences that drained my tears
as the words that pierced my heart
as the friends who exploited my fears
as the people who taught me
that if someone screams
scream louder
that if someone opens their arms for you
then drop everything and run
what good would I be
from the people
who talk behind my back
and discuss the things I lack
what better would I be
than the eyes that glanced at me
narrowed, then widened
then left me be
what good would I be
than the ones I left behind
who taught only to run
and never to yearn
so I'll stop
and I'll stare
till this haunting past
disappears
I'll stop screaming louder
and I'll say "I'm sorry"
I'll stand my ground
and run into their arms
because what good would I be
if I just let myself be
and become a force of confusion
just like these people feel
(9.35 pm)
I'll stop these dominoes
and I'll become the bridge
between myself and me
I'll try and like myself more
if it means that I'll
feel like peace is at my door
forgive and forget
I'll forgive so I can forget
count to ten and say sorry
won't let it amount to debt
16/12/21
9.46 pm
MYNA